Guest Blog: A Foster-to-Adoption Story from a Friend

If you would have told me that I would be a foster mom, I would have laughed at you. Life takes you on unexpected journeys. I have the habit of telling God how my life should happen. But, here I am, adopting three children from foster care in 15 months. What!!!?!? A few short years ago, I was asking God, “Why!?!?!” “Why is our house empty? We have a desire to have a family so…..!?!” In 2014, our question was answered when my husband and I attended Northway Church’s Orphan Expo (now called the Imagine Conference) and we unintentionally found ourselves in a workshop about foster care. My husband turned to me and said, “We should be doing this.” And “do this” we did. In July 2015 we were officially licensed foster parents. In August 2015, we had our first placement. Fast-forward to today and we have had a handful of placements in our home both short and long term. Presently we have three children: our adopted son, our adopted daughter, and our soon-to-be adopted daughter.

Throughout our three-year journey as foster parents, three main things have stuck out to me:
1. It takes a village part 1 and 2.

Part 1: We have seen the commercials and ads stating that, ‘everyone can do it’ (foster/adopt). However, (controversy alert) I do not believe that to be true. Not everyone has the flexibility and resources to be foster parents and that is OKAY. Do not feel guilty! (so easy to do right!?!)

My family and I attend a church where the congregation is predominantly African refugees. They have a hard time understanding many American policies because their philosophy is that the village takes care of one another. They support each other when someone else is in need.

We need to have the same philosophy. We have ALL been called to serve orphans and widows. That does not mean fostering and/or adopting; but, it may mean providing a meal when a foster family receives a new placement (SUCH A BLESSING!), giving a child new or hand-me-down clothing and toys, babysitting a foster/adoptive family that has kiddos with various needs, etc. See where I am going with this? 😉 While I do not encourage everyone to become a foster or adoptive family, I do encourage everyone to stand behind foster care and adoption in some capacity. There are several organizations in our immediate area including Northway Church and Foster Love Project (I mention those specifically by name because of the amazing resources that they have provided to us including training, friendships, and material items) that provide support and care to foster and adoptive families. If you are not sure where to start, I encourage you to look there first.

Part 2: On October 2, 2018 we officially finalized the adoption of our middle daughter. In the courtroom that day, we had over 30 caseworkers, lawyers, friends, and family members supporting us. Thirty-plus people were able to rearrange their schedules (with a week’s notice) to be there as our daughter took our last name. We have relied on those 30+ people (amongst others) and because of each one of them, we are in the position we are in today. We know that we can call any one of them for immediate assistance. We know that although our family may look and act different, we are accepted and loved. We know that our daughter has someone to tell her that she is important. We know that my daughter has a community of other adoptees and families like her. We know that we have legal guidance and counsel. At the end of the day, those things can make all the difference for a foster and adoptive family.

2. People are people.
We as humans are so quick to judge one another and jump to conclusions regarding someone else’s life and circumstances. But, who are we? We make mistakes all the time. Those mistakes may have different consequences; but, they are mistakes just the same and still represent the downfall of man. When we started fostering, we had this idea that we would be mainly ‘helping’ the kids; however, we have felt a passion and calling to love and serve first families, along with the caseworkers, lawyers, judges, and other people we have encountered while fostering our children. We can still advocate for our children while loving people who are hurting, who have made mistakes, who are tired, and who are different from us. No matter the circumstances, first families deserve our love and compassion.

3. We foster/adopt. We do not save and rescue.
There are different reasons and situations as to why foster care/adoption may need to happen. However, the separation from the first family no matter the situation is harmful. There is so much loss encompassed in foster care/adoption. It is important to recognize that. It is also important to note that we are not heroes. When we finalized the adoption of our daughter, we did not rescue her. We simply provided necessary permanency and stability; but, it is crucial that we identify she has a story and relationships before us and upon placement & adoption those do not simply end but remain a significant part of her.

So, here we are: an official family of five in a blink of an eye. It has been quite a journey but one where I have grown, gained knowledge, and developed amazing relationships along the way. We will have to see what I can add to this post after the next three years.